They say that it takes time to build trust. And we know how true this statement is. Many of us, probably, were hurt by those who, it seemed to us, could be trusted. And this made us think about why we generally trusted them. Whatever it was, closing ourselves from people, we just became hardened, isolated, and lonely.
And this can cause even more damage than an attempt to trust someone again. At first, it can be difficult (especially if you have been saved from sick and violent relationships). But we want you to find the strength to open your heart and learn how to trust men again using the tips below.
Find the reason for distrust
How to trust someone again after they hurt you? Try to understand why you are afraid and don’t want to trust? Does mistrust go for all the people you know? Whether it concerns only men, women or some other specific group of people? As a rule, such “estrangement” is most often associated with the painful experience in the past. Learning to trust again, you would understand that unpleasant emotions came from only one particular person who behaved incorrectly, not from everyone around you. Therefore, don’t continue to wait for a trick from all people that surround you.
Study an interlocutor
How to trust someone again? When communicating with any person, it is extremely important to understand who is in front of you (especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex). Of course, we all want true, mutual and pure love, but you’re already not a little girl to understand those ideal princes can only be found in fairy tales. And we meet an ordinary normal person in our life, with good and bad qualities, which, by the way, you have as well. Therefore, starting or continuing communication, pay attention not only to the feelings that you feel but also to the character of a person who is nearby. Study this person and don’t put unreasonable hopes, don’t wait for what your partner can’t give you.
Yes, all people are different. Everyone has difficult moments and bad mood. Admit it. You also may have such days. Do you want to trust a person? Then, first of all, move prejudices and stereotypes aside, letting a new boyfriend you found on a dating website show himself from the best side. At the same time, don’t forget that everyone has a bad side as well. It does not mean that no man can be trusted but, for example, you may notice that a good colleague can’t become your close friend and you can never do a perfect project with your best friend.
Remember the successful experience
Agree that in most cases we act on the basis of previous experiences and learned lessons. And often many of today’s decisions are affected not by the most successful events of the past. Try to forget them. Instead of repeating ‘I don t trust any man anymore’, remember the pleasant meetings and acquaintances that have been in your life. Of course, there were true friends, like-minded people, and colleagues on whom you could rely. Pleasant memories will set you up for a positive wave. So, perhaps you will stop playing the role of a victim.
Control your feelings
If you faced betrayal, then, of course, you want to avoid it in the future. Therefore, you begin to be cautious and knowingly distribute “roles” between good and bad characters. As the experienced negative emotions will not disappear, doubts and mistrust will surely manifest in the next acquaintance. And just at the moment when the inner voice starts whispering that you are being deceived and again you risk hurting yourself, stop and think: who controls the situation now – you or past grievances? So how to trust in a new relationship after being cheated on? Remember that the reaction to what is happening depends on you. Only you must decide how the events will develop.
How to learn to trust your man?
Not trusting strangers is one thing, but groundless distrust of your partner is a totally different thing. Without mutual trust, it’s impossible to build a harmonious relationship. A man needs to feel that his woman trusts him and believe in him. If a woman has trust issues and her man sees it, he’ll eventually leave her. He needs encouragement which he derives from his woman’s faith in him. In this case, the woman should get rid of her fear of being deceived and betrayed. This fear will gradually grow into obsession and turn a woman into a controlling psycho. This kind of woman resorts to manipulation, she wants to know about every step of her man, she checks his phone, monitors his social media accounts. Living with such a woman is unbearable, so no wonder many men decide to end such unhealthy relationship. So by telling to yourself the phrase ‘I don’t trust men’, you only minimize your chances for a successful love life.
If you don’t want your trust issues to ruin your relationship, you need to deal with them.
Tip #1: don’t confuse trust with your unmet expectations.
First of all, define for yourself the meaning of the word ‘trust’. If you find it difficult, then think, maybe you mistake it for your idea of an ideal man. If your man can’t give you everything you want, it’s not a reason to distrust him. Trust doesn’t mean that your man should meet your expectations. He can’t read your mind. If you want something from him, then say it. A frank conversation will reveal your worries and wishes and strengthen the connection between you two. This is how to know if you can trust a guy. And your man will be able to do more for you.
Tip #2: remember – you’re not a victim.
If once you were betrayed by a man, it doesn’t mean all your further partners will be like him. Yes, it can be hard to get rid of the thought ‘I can’t trust guys anymore’, but it’s necessary. The problem is inward. If you program yourself for deception, you’ll be deceived. That’s why try to change your consciousness: don’t think about the future much but live in the present, don’t look for the hidden meanings of the words and actions of your man. Program yourself for the better.
Tip #3: be a realist.
Lack of trust is usually based on suspicion. Where does suspicion come from? Perhaps you saw some ambiguous email in his messenger or overheard a phone call. Or he started to come from work later than usual. Maybe you’ve seen too many series about love triangles and cheating men recently? Try to be realistic. Trust facts only! If you need confirmation, talk to him. Express your worries and offer your help or support. He will respond and you’ll eliminate all suspicion. Hope these tips help you know how to trust men after being hurt!